I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
