Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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