He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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