The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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