So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
