Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
