apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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