I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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