I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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