everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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