I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
