Your dad touched me again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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