My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
