I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
