Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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