I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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