I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
