so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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