i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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