Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my phone needs a breathalizer
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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