I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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