I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
