K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
