I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's an acceptable place to lick
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
