I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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