So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
