Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
