Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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