Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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