He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
