i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
