you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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