He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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