i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
