What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
