Can i not drive my cunt home
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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