I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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