the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
