sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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