The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
