remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are we still banned from the library?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
