Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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