it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
