Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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