I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
