Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
