if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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