I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
