The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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