ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
