I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
