No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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