My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize