didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
