You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
