pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
