yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
