Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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