your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
