I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize