I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
