she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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