Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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