My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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