I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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